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Has been kicking my ass. Some days are worse than others. I've been confirmed to be in perimenopause. I knew it had to be affecting my mood, but the big clues were bleeding for 5 weeks consecutively and feeling as depressed as when I went through adolescence. I've been been officially diagnosed with Chronic Major Depressive Disorder. No shit, Doc. I've been approved for the Trillium Drug Program. I've been working on my ODSP application. I don't really feel capable of working. The harder I try the harder I fail. I'm hardest on myself, I know. It doesn't make it any better. At times like this my head knows I'm my own worst enemy, but it feels like I'm useless right now. Even my good ideas go unexpressed because I don't trust them. Suicidal ideation without the ability to hurt those I love means being trapped in my life right now, directionless. | | |
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I've been trying to avoid making commitments I won't keep, which I've done too much of lately. In this case, I'll take the expectation of consecutive days right out of the picture from the beginning. However, they'll get done in consecutive order to help me keep track more easily. ( Ten days meme )<lj-cut text="Day Two: Nine things about yourself....)<br />
1. I hate the biting cold winds of winter even more than the melting heat of summer.<br />
2. I loooooooove the look and feel of soft, buttery leather, especially when I'm a little chilly.<br />
3. I'm actually very good at being in service to someone with high protocol, but I never get a chance to be in that head-space.<br />
4. I grew up in a big apartment and spent over 10 years in another one, so I find small rooms claustrophobic by comparison, which contributes to feelings of tension.<br />
5. I've never had the desire to live outside of Toronto, even though there are favourite places to revisit.<br />
6. If I had a full bowl of dark chocolate ganache, I'd likely eat it all. It has the most fantastic texture and flavour!<br />
7. I'm butch enough to pull off the look, but have no desire to have the appropriate dangly bits.<br />
8. I can sing torch songs like nobody's business, but I'm too shy about my voice to use it in front of other people.<br />
9. I'm incapable of intentionally hurting someone else's feelings or doing something mean to them, even though I really want to sometimes, and even though some people have earned the receiving end of my wrath. | | |
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I hope you'll forgive me that this is going to be largely links, until I can explain this further. Those of you who've read a lot of my LJ will be well familiar with the elements and able to draw the connections easily. This is about my own path to self-discovery. This is about me finding a missing element that I was certain was there but couldn't substantiate. This is about understanding how I am who I am from a more scientific standpoint, to see what is and isn't really making sense for me in this. Here are the subjects I'm currently doing research on in an attempt to understand how I get in my own way and diffuse the problem: Bullying & MobbingPost-traumatic Stress DisorderMemory disorders relating to PTSD Shame (also here) and related formative disorders and treatments Stuffed Feelings and the Chronic Response Mechanism.... And that's when the discovery happened. This description encapsulated my experience completely.... all the signs came from the extended bullying and grew out from there. I used stuffed feelings as a survival mechanism that sort of worked at the time to keep me safe from harm. Over the long term, it has been extremely maladaptive from a behavioural perspective. As always, long ones go ( behind the cut.... )Shame is the reason for so much of who I am, and I know I need to find a way past it somehow... but I'm still trying to figure out how that works. Because of my experience of being bullied and mobbed throughout my childhood, which was my special kind of hell, there is the possibility that there isn't enough known about shame and its affects on PTSD, memory, social maladjustment and lack of self-worth that makes taking compliments or full credit for my achievements and accomplishments so difficult... and why it's hard sometimes to believe someone really loves the real me... the person hiding in the shame. And yet, people do love me well. I am surrounded in love. I am gifted with it because of all the things that my experiences have taught me, that I've integrated into who I am. Some of that is damned hard to get through to become more content with myself over time, but I keep trying. I think I finally have a fuller picture of my barriers. Now I have to figure out what breaks them down. | | |
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I've just returned today. Still recovering from both the time difference and 12 hours of overall travel. It was an amazing trip. I have so much to tell... When I'm more rested. I'm back working on OPS stuff this month, but in a good marketing position for negotiating compensation. I'll also update later on how that goes. Yesterday, BENT happened without me and apparently went really well. I was sorry to miss it. More on that... You guessed it... Later. Now to sleep away jetlag. | | |
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To me, singling out transphobia as offensive is spurious. Ferguson's low brow style of comedy often picks on others... Everybody, not just trans people. It even quotes the other groups in the article. I don't find that any more discriminatory than South Park or Family Guy. My feeling is that this reaction is overly sensitive... But that's just me. YMMV http://destrantalk.blogspot.com/2011/02/late-late-shows-craig-ferguson-treats.html | | |
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I'm sitting at my desk at my extremely boring job with very little to do. This weekend I spent a lot of time sleeping in. I didn't wake up until after 5pm yesterday, after initially waking up, having some breakast and getting sleepy again, I went back to sleep. I appear to be going through mental-pause (menopause for those who don't play with words). ( More on menopause... ) I'm sooo sleeeeeeeepy at my desk. It's hard to stay awake! My boss invited me to the HR team's holiday soiree, which was at an asian cuisine place with fancy LCD screens showing a fish pond in the ceiling. Very cool decor and such, but the appetizers were barely much of anything. I had one Manhattan and my boss had 6 before I left. We got there at 5, and he was still pounding them back at 6:30, as if he'd had none. Not much observable difference after 6 drinks is pretty intense. He seemed quite fine the next day. I've no idea how that can work without him ending up with a hangover, but I guess it does, somehow. Boss man is away all of this week, so I can pretty much do what I want at my desk, as long as I look like I'm busy on the computer. It's not so bad but doesn't help keep me awake very much. :P While I was at the HR shindig I mentioned to my boss that if we're done this project, I also have lots of experience with resume and telephone screening, etc. He apparently hadn't read that part of my resume, so this might mean more work at the same place in the new year, after my trip to Hawaii. I'm getting pretty excited about my Hawaii trip! It's only one month away. I'm taking a break from BENT right now. I'm just too tired and haven't recovered from the end of RENEGADE. I need downtime in which I'm not responsible for anything but myself. I'm trying to write more, read more, draw more, and watch a lot of TV. I'm nesting. I'm sleeping a lot. I'm trying to stay on top of my depression, but it's not easy. I feel really isolated from my friends right now. I know that's nobody else's fault but mine, but I'm out of energy entirely. I hope that having a holiday rest and going on my trip will help re-energize me somewhat. I ramble.... | | |
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I've been working very little on this contract. Senior management isn't all that interested in an audit compliance requirement to update and standardize job descriptions. I'm writing some that are combinations of several from different regions, and some that I have to create from scratch starting with researching the roles in other organizations.
I have enough work to keep me steadily busy for about 3 or 4 more days in total, and then I'm out of work to do. I'm reasonably certain my contract won't get renewed, but the boss-man says it could still happen. I told him I'm going to Hawaii so if he wants me after I get back, to let me know. :)
I'm really excited about going to see my friends in Hawaii at the end of January. I've downloaded maps and travel apps to my iPhone and look at them in anticipation of my trip.
In the meantime, I've been furiously networking with other people in the recruitment industry. I may have found a potential place with contracts to work on in the new year already, but I'm still marketing my expertise in writing job descriptions and interview materials. Why not, really?
So, I spend a lot of time at work online, pretending to be productive... but this week I actually had work to do, which was a nice change, but prevented me from writing an article I'd promised to someone.
But... the fact is... I'm burned out. I put every last bit of energy, optimism, determination and self-confidence I had into RENEGADE last year. I didn't get much back from that. I'm generally just exhausted both mentally and physically most of the time. I spend almost all my time at home when I'm not at work, watching TV so I can turn off my brain.
Anybody got any magic renewal serum or something? :P | | |
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At last, a few minutes of quiet when I'm not at home after an 8 hour day of sitting at the computer.
I'm currently waiting for a date. I'm all dressed up in my red dress and matching red shoes and jewellery, with lace-top stockings and garter. I felt really pretty under this dress when I met with A's mom at lunchtime. heh We are supposed to meet at 7, but the restaurant we were to meet at is closed on Mondays. Boo-urns. If I don't hear anything by 7 I'll head home to sleep because I'm very, very sleepy. He has my cell number, but I don't have his. :(
I've scheduled my first date for tonight because A and I have had some major shifts in his mind-set around non-monogamy, if not polyamory. He's taken all limitations off and just wants communication to be always open, honest and timely. Well, that's only fair! He has a date of his own on Friday.
Pie gave me a lift to/from Ottawa last weekend for Kapital Kink. I had a nice time visiting with Miss Jenn and talking to other folks. I connected with someone nearly immediately, who I've seen once yesterday at the Everything To Do With Sex Show in Toronto, and might see again next weekend, if things work out.
I'm getting sick and tired of interpersonal drama and drama-mongering in the kink community. I'm sad and resigned about rebuilding bi community right now because it feels like nobody else cares. I quit the police committee after the G20 debacle. I gave my testimony about them coming in without a warrant.
I'm half-way through a 3-month contract doing job description standardization for a global mining company. I'm so bored it's unreal. I'm fucking the dog so much that I'm going to have to buy it a carton of ciggies for all the post-coital smokes we're going through. :P It's because I'm waiting for job descriptions to work from.... and waiting... waiting... sigh.
In the meantime, I'm working on finding a way to market my skills in a very specific HR niche. I've been networking with people on LinkedIn who are in the HR and recruitment industries, and a few in IT. I'm hoping to find something after I finish my tenure here, but before I do....
... In late January I'm going to visit the American Pies in Honolulou, Hawaii!! The plane fares have gone down so much that I could afford return airfare, and they're putting me up, so I don't have to pay for accommodation, etc. I can just enjoy the company of kinky friends in a tropical paradise. Aaaaah. They're 2.5 blocks from the ocean! I'm gone from Jan 20-31 and back on Feb 1st after the 5-hour time-shift and the plane ride.
My mother is having a tummy tuck and boob lift at the age of 67. She admits to being shallow, but I think it's stupid to have her doing work on her body like that at her age. It's not like she's still modelling and needs to do it. Her friend is coming to town to take care of her during that time. Meanwhile, she keeps telling me that her body is falling apart. Sometimes I'm shocked that I'm her child.
I feel very much like I'm in between right now. I don't see very many friends, don't go out much, still haven't entirely recovered from running R, and I've lost all steam for activism. As soon as I'm energized enough to think about it again, reality and fatigue set in and it's gone.
I'm scattered, tired, under-played, not social enough even for myself and generally feel a malaise of sorts.
But right now, while I wait for the date that will probably not even show up, I look HAWT.
p.s. To my friends who are also going through a hard time right now... I still love you even when I don't see you. xoxo | | |
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Had fun. Then beaten hard. Feel much better. Now to sleep. | | |
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New job starts Tuesday! ( Details )I'm spending Thanksgiving weekend in Ottawa, where I'm attending Unholy Harvest. It's a for leatherdykes, trans folks and kinky gals of all bent persuasions. I'm not presenting, volunteering or assisting with anything. I managed to apply for and win a scholarship to attend. I intend to make the absolute most of it. I made it known early in the game that I am looking to have a great time and get up to lots of no good. I'm considering it my big vacation before I go back to corporate whore-dom. ( Why the bloody lips? )I'm travelling with 2 femmes and 2 butches. I'm staying with 1 femme and 2 butches. I'm kinda a futchy bemme, so I'm bringing one mega-butch outfit and the rest are feminine. I'm only sorta interested in the workshops, but figure it's also a good way to see who's around by attending workshops with subjects of interest. I have time again to write, and Allan's been encouraging me to, so I'm trying to remember to do so. Having a new iPhone app that doesn't just let me compose, but also see friends posts, helps a lot to keep me connected to this journal. In fact, it would be cool to know who's still out there, and who's drifted off as I did. I'm waaaaaay behind on reading, though I've tried to stay caught up somewhat. Allan has been spoiling me. He cooks regularly, does most of the apartment cleaning, maintains the litter boxes, takes out the trash and recycling, and doesn't like clutter any more than I do, but him keeping things neat makes it easier for me to do so as well, so it works out. I keep it less cluttered, and he keeps it clean. He likes spoiling me, and has taught me to appreciate it, but not feel so guilty about it. He wants me to just enjoy living in a home that I don't have to beat myself up for not keeping as clean as he does. As a result of his cooking and eating too many munchies when I shtu, I've gained some weight back. That's most annoying, especially since I got rid of a bunch of my larger clothes. {grrrr} His two remaining kitties have adopted me as their step-mom. Milo is a ginger tabby whose character is very much like Tippy's was. Isabelle is much more reserved and cranky, but has fur as thick as Cleo's was. They're sweet natured and beautiful, and I'm glad to share a home with these adorable kittehs. I'm settling back into myself after having put every aspect of my life on hold to run RENEGADE. I've been a complete hermit for a while, but I think I'll become more social when I have somewhere to go to work every day on a regular schedule. Back to life. Back to reality. But not until I cut loose this weekend. (evil grin) - Tags:allan, body, career, crazylife, debauchery, debt, employment, events, happiness, health, polymoments, sickfuck, travel, vacation, work, writing
- Mood:chipper
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A couple of days ago it would have been John Lennon's 70th birthday. The idea of him being that age is beyond my imagining. He's been gone so long. I wish he'd lived to be 70 now, so we could see his affect on our current world. Once again, his murderer came up for probation last month; once again, it was refused.
I admit to my fandom for John Lennon openly, because I really did believe there was a possibility of world peace because of his influence on promoting the idea of living peacefully until he died. Then, he was murdered, and I didn't anymore. That was a profound change in my world view. I think it's an extremely complex statement on our culture.
More on my state of mind, in my next post, coming right up..... | | |
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So long and thanks for all the fish.
I'm grieving, bitter, sad.
I feel well supported and appreciated.
Bankruptcy is likely in my future. At least that will reduce monthly expenses a little.
Now I just have to figure out how to arrange to get my stuff out and in storage somewhere. | | |
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A year ago I signed the lease on RENEGADE. Recent sound restrictions and new competition taking my business have made it much harder to sustain this income model. Today I figure out whether or not RENEGADE is financially viable in the short/medium term. This will be determined by discussing the potential of some sound-centred events once or twice a month on an ongoing basis to finance the venture. If not, then I'll have to give 60 days' notice and put everything in storage after the end of October. To say that I'm torn on this is a massive understatement. | | |
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I know this meme is going around, but I'm having trouble getting kick-started back to writing here, and thought this might help...
Challenge me out of my comfort zone by telling me something I don't blog about, but you'd like to hear about, and I'll write a post about it. Ask about anything: latest movie watched, last book read, political leanings, if there's anything you've ever wondered or been curious about or meant to ask me, etc. Re-post this in your own journal so that we can all learn more about each other. | | |
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I have no life right now. There is so much going on that I haven't had a social life since last summer. ( I'm barely keeping up with life right now. )I would love to see your cute faces, but life is in the way right now, which sucks... but I hope to fix that in the near future. I love and miss my friends. *hugs* Love, Dana | | |
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Taken from a post to FL that asks what you'd tell someone new to the kink community. What I'd do now is completely different from how it was then. I thought it might be an interesting idea to share the contrast between then and now. ( Kink community history ) - Tags:bettie, community, crazylife, events, history, kink, memory, playtime, scenestuff, shapeme, via ljapp
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Two weeks from now, my EI will be exhausted. I'll be without any external sources of income from government or employers. All of my income will be from self-employment through RENEGADE.
Frankly, I'm terrified.
The last time I ran out of EI, I was deeply depressed because I feared going on the employment merry-go-round again. I feared the date on which I'd be fired. I feared the probation period. The biggest benefit to me of employment, aside from a steady income, has always been medical and dental benefits. I've been without them now for a year.
Up until now, I've had enough from EI to cover my major bills, including my rent, debt repayment plan, phone (cell and home), internet, cable TV and my prescriptions. Income from career and general counselling clients have helped make up what difference there was between EI and monthly expenses, and that didn't include food, transportation and other general expenses of daily living. That's one of the many reasons why I haven't been out and social in a loooooong time.
This time is different because of RENEGADE. However, it's been only enough to support its own expenses (and not entirely), so I've been unable to get enough income from it to cover itself, let alone my own living costs.
I've come up with some ways to increase income both for my own living costs and for RENEGADE in general, which I hope to implement by early next month. I've been getting ducks in a row and organizing more weeknight events to help as well. I just hope that I can survive the next couple of months until the rentals pick up more steam.
As an I've been pushing the big ball of self-employment up the hill so far. Sometimes I've gotten stuck on something, but I always find a way to get through it and keep moving forward. Right now I'm able to see the crest of the hill from here, but I can't be sure I'll have enough steam to go over it or fall back, ass over teakettle in a heap at the bottom again.
But I'm not giving up. I'm going to keep pushing the big RENEGADE ball until I crest that hill. I feel like it's all heading in the right direction... I just have to keep up the energy to keep going with it! | | |
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Hi. I've been away from LJ for quite a while now, and yesterday I realized why. My partner (Allan) listens to me yammer about what's going on in my life, in my head, and supports me emotionally more than I could ever have envisioned being supported. It's a mutual thing, with both of us being there for each other. As a result, while I sometimes think of things to write in here, by the time I would get to the writing, it's already been processed out loud with him. Also, I've realized that I need to have a journal in which I'm NOT writing about work I'm doing for RENEGADE, but rather, about personal stuff. It's taken me a while to realize that too. When I've wanted to write in here I've felt my own internal pressure to keep updating about R, when it probably bores everyone silly and feels like I'm just advertising. ( Read more... )Allan and I had a Paramour for a while, but she's moved on to another relationship structure that's focused on D/s (she's the s), so we're just friends again. It was fun while it lasted. It's for the best, really. I don't have the time to dedicate to a second relationship and Allan and I are making plans for him to move here in April, so he doesn't either. He needs to transfer to another job with the bank he's working for, but they've made it harder than it needs to be, so he's jumping through hoops to make it happen, which is annoying for both of us. I still have my temporary roommate for now. Her court dates have been delayed and delayed and delayed.... At least the hearings are in progress finally. It's looking like a better potential outcome than she feared, but it's been really stressful on her and she's both poor because of legal fees and bored out of her mind because she's not working at the moment. Okay, off to my first thing for today... which starts of an insane weekend in which I'm at R from this afternoon until Sunday evening almost non-stop. I rested up yesterday in anticipation of needing all my energy to get through the weekend. Monday's plan is to sleep all day. I just hope I have time to do laundry soon or I'll be going commando. ;) Anybody got any laundry fairies handy? ;) | | |
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I went through a bit of depression earlier this month. It was a combination of the after-effects of having been fired yet again after such a short time, having become exhausted with trying to do full-time work while being self-employed, and stressed with a whole bunch of different things. One of the stresses I'm trying to manage is that ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1) loved_by_2 has discovered a lot of anxiety-related issues over the past year. While it has created some tension here and there between us, and some misunderstandings, he's committed to working on what he needs to. He has been working hard on it, and seems to understand the larger picture day by day. He's accepted that this is something long-term that he needs to manage in a variety of ways. That's been one of the hardest adjustments for him. What's hardest is that all of this stuff was hidden in the context of his marriage. Without it, he's able to see himself for who he is, rather than who he was for her. He's able to separate his crap from hers and mine now. He seems to believe that makes him crazier than I am, but I don't consider it a comparable situation. It's not about who's "crazier than thou" but about how we manage our individual stuff with each other in a relationship. One of my other stresses has been in wanting to go out and do social things, but not having the energy or time to do that. Everything at R happens on weekends, and it's turned cold, which is always a disincentive for me to go out and do stuff. It's made me into a hermit who has fantasies of going out socially, but never really goes out and does it. That's sucky. I'm feeling so disconnected with everything but the kink community right now, because I have the most contact with those folks. I'm going to be working over the next little while on creating better balance in my life between work and non-work, so I can be my social self again. This much isolation isn't good for me, emotionally. I get my energy from socializing, and I've just not done much of that in a long time. | | |
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Tonight's RENEGADE party is called Solar Nexus. It's a party over the longest night of the year (though that's really in a couple of days). They have a number of performances, DJs, started with a yoga session and a community supper, and has all vegan food and drink. There are two video screens up, showing a variety of stuff. There have been bellydancers. There's a really nice, laid back vibe with a pagan feel, which is comforting to me, since these are sorta my own peeps, but the extreme version, to some extent. This goes to 6am.
I'm really, really glad to see people enjoying the creative possibilities of the space for the first time. They've decorated with cloth, textile hangings, video art and beautifully done, round promo cards.
Things have been kinda stressy in R-ville lately. Communication problems and misaligned expectations have made me tense. It created tension outward, as well. I feared that the arrangement wouldn't work out as planned, for the reasons I'd feared since the beginning. As it turns out, a wake-up call was delivered just in the nick of time. I'm holding back on taking action for now because it still has the potential to be awesome.
I've got stuff booked every single Saturday booked in January, and all but one in February as well. I've got double-bookings sometimes. There are workshops planned and a workshop series being offered throughout weekends in Jan/Feb. More are already booked for early March!
I'm finally starting to get some questions about using the space for stuff like life drawing, yoga, socials, meetings, etc. I've got a birthday prom party, a surprise birthday party/collaring, and all kinds of stuff starting to happen here. I've been letting after-hours folks rent, but if things go as they seem to, perhaps I can wean off them faster than I expected. I really don't like having the risk of running them very much, nor does my property manager.
I'm hopeful, seeing how people are enjoying the space, that once I get a few more dollars put into improving the heating system and blocking off some of the colder drafts, it will be even more hospitable and enjoyable. I just have to get over the December hump. This is the only renter I have in December until New Year's Eve. It's a VERY thin month, but the next two are quite full, so I hope that makes up for it. I'm hoping that helps pay for some needed upgrades to the space, like adding curtains to stop drafts, make the entrance more separate, add finishing touches to the washrooms, etc.
I'm looking forward to some downtime from Monday night to NYE in Stratford. I feel like I need to recharge and renew after having gone through the first three months and having so much coming up. I want to take a running start at it as the calendar turns.
That's where things are for RENEGADE. On to what's going on for me in another post.... | | |
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RENEGADE is ... o completely and utterly booked for all 5 Saturdays in January and all but one in February o booked for all the weekend afternoons in mid-January up to the end of February with a kink workshop series o It's double-booked for a couple of Saturday nights this weekend and in January (earlier party followed by after-hours) o I've just booked my first two Friday night events!! I'm hoping that once the space can support itself without the after-hours parties, I can squeeze them out so I'm not incurring that risk anymore. Right now they're a financial boon. Alas, one renter from last Saturday from a group of college students brought in a Special Occasion Permit and a couple of kegs and ( trashed the place ) I've told him he's not renting again unless it's a non-alcohol event. He says he can't imagine having an event without it, so I wished him well and kissed him off in my mind. Types of events we're renting for right now: o Kink parties, workshops & a potential conference o Art exhibitions o All night solstice celebration with dancing o Literary readings/socials o Birthday parties o Photo shoots o Fundraisers o Live music & dance performances This is all good stuff. I'm getting pretty excited about the direction it's going. Maybe I *can* manage to live on it once my EI runs out! | | |
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By Friday of last week I was starting to stress about whether or not my Manager would take the time to learn to communicate what he wanted from me. Apparently the answer is, he won't. They let me go Tuesday.
It's ok. I don't think I could have kept up two full-time jobs much longer. I was beyond exhausted. Those close to me were observing my increasing amounts of stress and lack of sleep. It's just as well.
The relief is in knowing that I'm absolutely 100% done with full-time work. I'm not going to bother even accepting any offers that might come my way that are full-time. I know better than to put myself through that again. This is signal enough to me that I should feel no future guilt for lack of trying.
Instead, I might have some work-at-home short-term contract stints doing familiar and relatively lucrative stuff with my 2nd last employer.
Life is oddly mean sometimes, but in the good way. :-)
Yes, I *have* noticed the golden horseshoe up there. I've no idea how it got there, but I'm not taking it for granted. | | |
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Working at two full-time jobs. What was I thinking?! As expected, it's tricky adjusting to working at a full-time day job and running RENEGADE at the same time. I've enlisted extra help for marketing for RENEGADE and getting some things done that MUST be taken care of during office hours. At work I've been pretty good so far, staying pretty focused on curriculum development and outreach at the same time. While I feel very much like I know the *what* of my job, I'm still learning the *how* of project planning, curriculum development, outreach and resources that weren't around back in 2004 when I was last a career counsellor full-time. RENEGADE inquiries are coming in steadily but bookings are slow to materialize. I wish I weren't being asked so often to host after-hours gigs as I'm not interested in taking on that risk. Renovations are generally slowing, though there are months worth of small projects still to get done. This week it's finishing bathroom stalls so they have real doors. The heat works now. Redoing the paint is a must as the red we used was too bright. We're still getting rid of stuff left behind by the bakery. It's been a tough adjustment for loved_by_2 because I'm back to being in Toronto on weekdays. We aren't in touch as often as we were, but we've managed to adjust. It's served to reinforce his isolation and need to move, but his bosses at work are being asshats about letting him transfer here. Life has just become so busy that I'm constantly multitasking. I just hope I remember to eat, sleep, pee, do laundry and such. Even so, I'm ridiculously happy most of the time. It feels often like a charmed life, but I'm not taking any of it for granted. | | |
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As expected, I got the job offer this week and start on Monday. They apparently don't watch clocks like at my last workplace. I've had the unusual opportunity to pre-warn them and they don't anticipate my kind of lateness to be problematic. Phew! I'll make a decent wage and benefits. I'll be working at a great location (except for the occasional visit to the Mississauga office at Square One like my first day). I'll also be working with a "close" friend. My policy has alway been to avoid sexual relationships with co-workers, but I hadn't considered this scenario. Tonight we're going to talk about work related boundaries. A good sort of oddness. I know I can do the job. I know I have lots of good support. This will let me focus on RENEGADE on evenings and weekends. I am blessed with good help. Two full-time jobs. Wow. I'm feeling more optimistic than I was. Thanks for all the supportive messages, including the ones that called me on being self-defeating. My life does NOT suck. | | |
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And so it begins... I'm getting ready to start again next Monday with a day in Mississauga, though the job is actually in downtown Toronto.
Thankfully, benefits start after 3 months. No vacation for six months (!) but I get 3 weeks to start. I think that's become the standard now. Lots of sick days can be accumulated, if needed. It's a union job!
This week is all about getting ready to be a full-time office job holder again. Holy mixed feelings, batman! | | |
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